To be candid

I’m going to be honest—this year has not been what I thought it would be.

At all.

If you had asked me back in January what this season of life would look like, I probably would have said something about feeling settled, finding rhythms, maybe even seeing some long-awaited prayers answered. But instead, I’ve felt a lot like I’ve been walking uphill… in the rain… with one sandal on.

I wish I were kidding.

I’ve found myself more tired, more stretched, and more confused than I’ve been in a long time. There were days when I didn’t have the words to pray. Days I let the dishes pile up and the tears do the same. Days I could barely cook or even feed myself. Days I didn’t feel like I was “Christian Wife Material”—or anyone’s material, to be honest.

But God has met me here.

Not always in loud or dramatic ways, but in gentle reminders. A verse that popped up at just the right moment. A friend who texted me when I needed it. And a song I kept coming back to: Highlands (Song of Ascent) by Hillsong United.

Especially this line:

“I will praise you on the mountains/ I will praise you when the mountain’s in my way / You’re the summit where my feet are / In the highlands and the heartache all the same.”

I don’t know what you’re walking through right now. Maybe this year has already broken your heart or your plans or your sense of peace. Maybe, like me, you feel like you’re climbing a hill you didn’t choose, with no summit in sight.

But here’s what I’m learning: It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to not have the answers. It’s okay to bring your mess, your doubt, and your disappointment to Jesus.

Because He already knows. And He’s not afraid of it.

He walks with us in the highlands and the heartaches.

If you’re looking for a devotional to walk with you in this kind of season, I’d recommend “Streams in the Desert” by L.B. Cowman. It’s old-school in the best way—rich, honest, and full of truth for dry places.

You’re not alone, friend. Even if this year looks nothing like what you planned, He hasn’t changed. And that is something we can hold onto.

With grace and grit,

Susie